Tired- almost 30 times around the sun- trying to be interested in the same thing for almost a decade, trying to prove the worth by doing the same thing at different places and then throwing it all to prove the same to someone else- with the hope that things will change this time around- trying to keep the faith- trying to still trust. What remains is a heap of empty promises, a feeling of getting used.
" I might feel like a man who, in the grip of the undertow, gives up the fight, stops swimming, and turns his face towards the open sea....... sleep is no longer a healing bath, a recuperation of vital forces, but an oblivion, a nightly brush with annihilation."- J.M. Coetzee